Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she peed on how many people?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You pole danced in your parka.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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