How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
