She is in my trunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
