Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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