So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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