I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
