Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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