If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize