He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
