She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
