Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
