it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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