As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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