So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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