Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
