Your dad touched me again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
