OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
