you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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