I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
