Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
