If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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