i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
