oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
