We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
