ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
