i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
