i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my shit smells like andre
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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