Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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