Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
