I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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