Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you had me at cake vodka
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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