Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
