Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
