you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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