My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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