Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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