I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
