tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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