So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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