I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ketchup is God's man juice
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just invented taco cereal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
