you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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