I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
