I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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