it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize