If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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