My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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