i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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