thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
