my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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