dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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