things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
