You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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