You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
