I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
