Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
