i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
