We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
