I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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