He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
