No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
