If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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