Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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