Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
