Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
