Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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