The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
