its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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