I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Still dying that you shit outside
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
