The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
