and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You're like the curious george of whores
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
