new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
