oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He better not be in your backpack
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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