there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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