In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
