His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
