so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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