Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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