Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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