I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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