we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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