I heard we made out
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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