Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
