i'm signing you up for texting rehab
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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