just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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