so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
