david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
