he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize