For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
