Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
