How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
