i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
