Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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