You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
