He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
