when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize