Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
