I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
