How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
