Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
