If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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