I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
