You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
