I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize