I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My feet surprised me
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