in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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