i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
